Red Flags Before The Green Light: Things You Need To Know Before You Get Engaged

Love brought you together. Wisdom is what will keep you together.Most of the problems couples bring to counseling after the wedding were visible before it. The pattern was there. The warning sign was there. Someone simply hoped love would fix it.Drawing on more than three decades of pastoral ministry and counseling, Dr. Carl McLaughlin brings together sound biblical theology and sound relational science to help you see clearly before you say yes. Beginning with God's design for covenant — the Genesis 2:24 pattern of leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh — this guide walks through the ordinary terrain where healthy and unhealthy patterns are formed and revealed: Family of origin and attachment — how enmeshed, disengaged, chaotic, or rigid homes shape what you expect from love Core beliefs, communication, and manipulation — recognizing what's driving the words Conflict patterns and emotional safety — pursue, withdraw, defend, or repair? Financial character — what money reveals about honesty and self-control Spiritual life and church culture — shared faith versus shared vocabulary Digital life, roles, respect, and shared responsibility Intimacy, boundaries, purity, and dating with discernmentEvery chapter offers guidance for singles evaluating a relationship, guidance for parents raising children capable of secure attachment, and a clearly marked list of warning signs worth taking seriously. The book closes with practical checklists and self-assessments, including a Relationship Red Flag Checklist, a Dating Discernment Inventory, and a Parent's Checklist for Fostering Secure Attachment.This is not a book of easy answers or guaranteed outcomes. It is a book of honest questions, biblical conviction, and practical discernment. The goal is not fear — it is discernment: the wisdom to notice real patterns, name them honestly, and respond with growth, boundaries, counsel, or in some cases, the courage to walk away.Written for:Singles who are dating or discerning a relationshipEngaged couples doing the work before the weddingParents preparing children for covenantPastors, counselors, mentors, and small groups"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." — Psalm 127:1Don't just prepare for a wedding day. Prepare for a lifetime.