Behind the Smoke

For more than ten years, I lived in an altered state, convinced I was calming myself, helping myself, protecting myself. In reality, I was slowly fading away. I believed for a long time that smoking weed was part of my personality — that it was my balance, my refuge. Until the day my body and mind finally said stop. I experienced addiction from the inside: the normalization, the loneliness, the anxiety, the panic attacks, the shame, the worried looks from loved ones while you pretend everything is fine. Writing became a necessity. A way to put words where there had only been smoke. A way to understand what I was running from, what I had numbed, what I had lost along the way. Behind the Smoke is not a book against drugs. It’s a book for those who feel they’ve forgotten themselves. For those who are living halfway, trapped behind a ritual that has become too heavy. I am neither a doctor nor a therapist. I’m not here to give lessons. I’m sharing a lived experience — raw, imperfect, human. If this book helps even one person ask the right questions, look at themselves honestly, or believe that another life is possible, then it will have fulfilled its purpose. A raw and unfiltered testimony about cannabis addiction, the loss of identity tied to its use, and the possible rebirth that begins when you finally decide to put an end to it.