It Ends With Me

Your life is a result of the choices that you make and if you don't like your life it is time to start making better choices.

But what if making choices and putting yourself first means that you become distanced from those you love the most?

What if one day you completely lose sight of who you really are and put everything you ever worked for at stake?

You start to really think about the purpose of your existence and why you are always a disappointment despite every effort you have ever put in for anyone and wonder.. why me? Why don't they appreciate it me or understand me? What am I doing wrong?

This isn't just a fictional idea. It's an experience that most of us have lived through. Failed friendships, disappointment, betrayal, guilt, toxic relationships, death, love, heartbreak and a feeling of a purposeless existence. Often, from those that we love and trust the most.

The journey to finding yourself is tough. Every quote, every person, every piece of hope we can hold onto that tells us to stay strong but in reality, there is a lot of pain that is yet to come.

Where is this happiness that everyone is talking about?

Why are we looking for it in all these places and ignoring ourselves in the process?

My thoughts, my feelings and my experiences are valid. They are real. I spent the life I have lived so far making people realise my worth. But that's just me worshipping my anxious mind right? The world thinks I'm sensitive and I've lost my mind. I am slowly losing hope in myself and everything around me. Can you relate to me? Does anyone understand me? I started this and only I can end this. It ends with me. Will I ever get true happiness? Can I ever find myself and make my life better without my existence depending on how others perceive me? Am I going insane living for everyone but myself?

This is my life in pages. My emotions. My despondent feelings about my existence. That I live through every day.

I overthink a lot. I know that soon I'll be lonely again hunched up in the corner of my room regretting my choices. But for how long will I keep letting this happen to me? Why am I losing everyone and everything I care about?