How I Ruined My Life

Who could possibly describe the misery you're about to read better than the narrator himself? From the beginning of the book: "I'm an idiot. That about covers it. I'm also a huge jerk, just a giant bag of worthless matter. After years and years of trying, I've finally managed to screw up my life completely. My mom always said not to give up. My dad always said, "Shut up and go to bed." I tried to go with my mom's advice on this one, but I still completely ruined my life. This is not one of those stories where the guy thinks things are bad and then they get better. I'm not going to learn some big lesson at the end or realize the profound truth of living. Don't believe me? Skip to the last page and read. Go ahead. I'll wait. Dare to be different and read the last page. There you go. See? There is no hope for this story, no happy ending. If you can't handle seeing a pretty decent guy destroy everything and everyone around him because of his own stupidity, stop reading now. I won't be offended. But, if you like that kind of thing because deep down you're a sadist, then let's keep on keeping on. This is the story of how I met the world's most perfect girl, and how I royally messed it up. Enjoy."