A Day in the Ancient Athens (A Day in Old Athens)

27. How Athenian Marriages are Arranged.--Over this typical Athenian homereigns the wife of the master. Public opinion frowns upon celibacy, and there arerelatively few unmarried men in Athens. An Athenian girl is brought up with thedistinct expectation of matrimony.1 Opportunities for a romance almost never willcome her way; but it is the business of her parents to find her a suitable husband. Ifthey are kindly people of good breeding, their choice is not likely to be a very badone. If they have difficulties, they can engage a professional "matchmaker," ashrewd old woman who, for a fee, will hunt out an eligible young man. Marriage iscontracted primarily that there may be legitimate children to keep up the state andto perpetuate the family. That the girl should have any will of her own in the matteris almost never thought of. Very probably she has never seen "Him," save whenthey both were marching in a public religious procession, or at some rare familygathering (a marriage or a funeral) when there were outside guests. Besides shewill be "given away" when only about fifteen, and probably has formed no intelligentopinion or even prejudices on the subject.If a young man (who will marry at about thirty) is independent in life, thenegotiations will be with him directly. If he is still dependent on the paternalallowance, the two sets of parents will usually arrange matters themselves, anddemand only the formal consent of the prospective bridegroom. He will probablyaccept promptly this bride whom his father has selected; if not, he risks a stormyencounter with his parents, and will finally capitulate. He has perhaps never seen"Her," and can only hope things are for the best; and after all she is so young thathis friends tell him that he can train her to be very useful and obedient if he will onlytake pains. The parents, or, failing them, the guardians, adjust the dowry--the lumpsum which the bride will bring with her towards the new establishment.2 Manymaxims enjoin "marry only your equal in fortune." The poor man who weds anheiress will not be really his own master; the dread of losing the big dowry will keephim in perpetual bondage to her whims.28. Lack of Sentiment in Marriages.--Sometimes marriages are arranged inwhich any sentiment is obviously prohibited. A father can betroth his daughter bywill to some kinsman, who is to take her over as his bride when he takes over theproperty. A husband can bequeath his wife to some friend who is likely to treat herand the orphan children with kindness. Such affairs occur every day. Do theAthenian women revolt at these seemingly degrading conditions, wherein they arehanded around like slaves, or even cattle?--According to the tragic poets they do.Sophocles (in the "Tereus") makes them lament,"We women are nothing;--happy indeed is our childhood, for THEN we arethoughtless; but when we attain maidenhood, lo! we are driven away from ourhomes, sold as merchandise, and compelled to marry and say 'All's well.'"