I Have No Accordion: A Mishmash Memoir of a Life (Sometimes) Gone Askew

I Have No Accordion Marriages, kids, jobs, endless chronologies…. Sorry, this ain’t that kind of memoir. This is why Dad gave away the accordion, 16 ways I’m not like other men, how $4-cupcakes are ruining the country, the night a murderer almost hijacked the car, and naming a daughter after the Everly Brothers. Discover eight facts that could alter the outcome of the next presidential election, the truth about me and Rachel McAdams, and why I owe Stephen King an apology. Then there’s the homeless woman who spent two nights with me, the Moon Pies allegory, my worst night in baseball, falling in positivity resonance, why Yoko didn’t break up The Beatles, several dating disasters, Alice Cooper at the bank and Kevin Bacon at the Gillioz, naked Wii tennis, mocking MTV, a whole chapter about t-shirts, some bits about books and music, plus a chapter that never quite explains what “Stupid is as stupid does” means. Special bonus: no poetry! Well, there’s one short poem, just one, though, unless you count my wedding vows, which are laid out like verses. Help yourself if you want to use them. They worked for me, albeit not for as long as I would have liked.