Things - Now, Then & Strange

Things consists of humor/humanist essays taken from experiences gathered and written while living my fun and exciting, NEVER boring (yeah, right) controversial, deviant (I love that), Gay, and Lesbian lifestyle. Locally, they have been very well received. I can prove this by quoting from the many and numerous (two - possibly three) fan letters that I have received over the 5 years that I have been writing these (200+) columns. Here, allow me -

"My body's off to Kelly Morris! Forget the hat! Her article, "The Boob Seen Around the World" was pure laughter. I cried as I read it was so funny. I need more medicine like this. I will read her from now on."

I am not making this stuff up.

"You don't have to be gay to read Kelly Morris. I am straight and absolutely love the way she tells it like it is."

Fun, huh? Do you get fan mail like that? I have framed both of them. I can show you if you wish to come over some time for tea.

In my column, I have reflected on sooooo many diversified "Things." From tripping over a cobblestone and falling into a crowd at Gay pride (only to be attacked by onlookers who thought I was attacking them) to cursing out my 1982 Volkswagen Rabbit at a Jaguar dealership - from commenting on the problems associated with modern technology ("Cell Phone Psychotic") to fantasizing about a Lesbian superhero named "Danger Dyke" ("Insania") - from being a woman (albeit a Lesbian) trying to pee in the worst, most disgusting men's bathroom on the planet ("Urine Trouble") to being on the Atkin's diet, jonesing for carbohydrates while on a four hour layover at George Bush Intercontinental airport ("Airport TERMINAL"), I have observed and commented, written and rewritten (and rewritten and rewritten ) my life. We won't even go into the chapter entitled "Strange Things" which was spawned from a very demented lobe of my brain ("Shut up! Don't tell them THAT." "Hey, don't tell me what to do...") It's fun, it's true (well, for the most part) and I don't think I have insulted anyone in the process... Someone from Alabama somewhere may get offended, I don't know. Hard to tell really.

Anyway, I have no ulterior motives behind writing this book. I can proudly and honestly say that my sole intention is the pursuit of wealth and fame. I want to vacation in Tahiti - well, a vacation anywhere would be nice. I hope you enjoy this book. Love Kelly (her alter ego.)